The End is Near

This is not my favorite time of year. The days are growing shorter, the nights cooler, and in less than a week the kids will be heading back to school. Once again summer has passed by far too quickly, and I am not ready to say goodbye. This summer was not one of our better ones. Much of it was rainy, or at least gray and cool, not a nice beach summer, not a nice summer for doing things outside. The lack of true summer weather and beach days made it go by even faster, and I fear our winter will seem even longer.

Our vacation week was a wash. With the exception of one day, which we thankfully spent at StoryLand, every day we were on vacation it either rained or threatened rain. We didn't make it to the beach, had to cancel a day at the lake with friends, it was a crappy week. We made the best of it and have the pictures to prove it, but it certainly wasn't what we had in mind.

Now summer is almost over. As far as I'm concerned, summer ends on Labor Day. Sure there are a few days in September that would be fine beach days, but with two-thirds of my little ones in school the beach doesn't seem so appealing. I would feel guilty enjoying the surf and sand with Bella, knowing that Phillip and Kylie were sitting in stuffy classrooms.

This time of year makes me very melancholy. The relaxing, unscheduled days of summer are almost over, to be replaced by the rush that accompanies the school year. We will rush in the mornings to get out the door, we will rush to get to dance and karate, we will rush to finish homework, get showers, eat dinner, and get to bed at a decent time, so that the next day we can rush through all those things again. I am also melancholy because the beginning of the school year is a very real reminder that my babies are growing up. This year Kylie will be headed to fourth grade and Phillip to first. Where has the time gone?

As much as they fight, bicker, and generally drive me crazy some days, I will really miss those two when the big yellow bus takes them away next Tuesday. I will cry when it rumbles past, taking them away from me for the next eight hours. I will look at the clock throughout the day and wonder what they are doing, if they are okay, if everyone is being nice to them, if they miss me too. Gradually we will settle into the routine, but those first few days my heart will ache for them. I will listen for their footsteps, their laughter, the inevitable arguing, but it will not come. Bella will do a good job of filling the void, but there is only so much one three year old can do to make up for the quiet that ensues when a nine year old and six year old are gone.

Next week I will go back to watching the clock. I will anxiously await the arrival of 3:30, the time when the bus usually returns my two little rugrats to me. I will greet them with hugs and homemade cookies, ready to hear about all of their first and fourth grade adventures. Yes, the end is near, and I for one am nowhere near ready.

Time Flies

I can't believe it has been over two years since I last posted on my blog. I'm not exactly sure where the time went, but I know that it has gone by fast. There was no particular reason why I stopped writing, I guess life just got too busy and something had to go, so it was my writing. I have missed it. Writing here was a kind of therapy for me, even if no one else ever read it. There have been so many things over the past two years that have made me think "I need to blog about that", but then life would get in the way and it just wouldn't happen. So today, as I sit at my desk where I'm supposed to be working, I am re-committing to my blog, re-committing to doing something a few times a week that is just for me.

In the two years since I last posted much has happened. Rob has taken on a new position (with the same company) that kept him busy at work and away from our family for much of late 2006 and most of 2007. Things are better now, but it was not easy on any of us having him work 15 hour days, five, sometimes six, days a week. For the first three months of 2007 he was working seven days a week. Now he has things under control and is home by 6:00 most days. After having him gone so much last year the kids and I certainly appreciate having him back.

Kylie has completed both second and third grades and is doing well. She will be going to a different school this year which will be an adjustment for all of us. It is older than the school she has been in for the last four years, so there will be some definite changes for her. As she has matured she has evolved into this amazingly helpful, conscientious, and responsible child that I never could have imagined from the head banging toddler of six years ago. She is wonderful with her younger siblings, talking them down from tantrums and disappointments, negotiating deals with them when we are seemingly at a stalemate over any given issue. I am so proud of the young girl she is becoming and I tell her that every chance I get. She still has her moments and her meltdowns, but who amongst us doesn't? They usually come when she is feeling tired or overwhelmed, and given a little time and space she can recover in a reasonable amount of time. She still does dance and impressed both her Dad and I at the dance recital this past spring. For the first time in her six years of dance she seemed to be comfortable and know what she was doing. She didn't look off to the side at the teacher for instruction, she didn't look to the other girls, she danced her dances with confidence, grace, and purpose. I suppose that is just another example of how she has grown, not just as a dancer, but as a person. To put it quite simply, she blew us away.

Phillip has both a year of pre-school and kindergarten under his belt and is grudgingly moving on to the first grade in two weeks. He claims he doesn't like school, but I think that's just because it takes him away from home and me, where he is most comfortable. He has grown and matured in many ways, but he is no longer the easy-going guy he started out as. Most of the time he is happy go lucky and good natured, but sometimes when things don't go his way he lets his temper get the best of him. Don't be fooled by the dimples and twinkling blue eyes, he can pitch a fit with the best of them. Fortunately he saves them for home where he feels the most secure, and at school, friends' houses, etc., he is the picture of charm and cheer. For the past year he has been taking karate, and so far at least he wants to stick with it. He is already quite popular with the ladies, and they with him, so mommas you might want to lock up your daughters. Lately he has been very concerned about the clothes he's wearing, his accessories, his hair (he wanted a mohawk but settled for a flat top), and overall looking cool. He's a sweet, funny little dude, and no matter how angry he makes me one flash of those dimples can melt my heart. (Even when I catch him peeing in the litter box, which I did last week! He denied it, but the mischievous grin on his face spoke volumes - as did the huge wet spot in the litter box which was clearly not made by a four legged house cat!!)

Sweet Bella has the world wrapped around her finger. Her hair goes halfway down her back, but it's so curly that the spirals only reach just past her shoulders. She is a comedienne and will do whatever it takes to get a laugh. Her first dance recital was this past May, and while she spent most of her time on stage looking around with her fingers in her mouth, she still looked adorable and enjoyed herself. Kylie was the "junior assistant" for Bella's dance class, and I swear seeing my big girl help teach my little girl just about made my heart burst. Bella talks non-stop and has an amazing vocabulary. She is a true testament to the fact that the younger children learn from the older ones. Lately she has decided that she wants a baby. The other day she brought me a catalog of children's clothing that she had been looking through. "Momma, Momma, I found someting' I want!", she said, bouncing up and down, barely able to contain her excitement. Expecting to see a dress or some other article of clothing that was sure to be a fashion statement for the three year old set, I was instead shown a picture of three babies, two dressed in blue and one in pink. "Momma,", she squealed, "can you order me da baby sista? Please??!! I want da baby sista!!! Call dem, Momma!". Through my laughter I told her that her Dad and I were working on it, we'd see what we could do.

As for me, all is well. Given that I have a great husband, three healthy, beautiful children, and a nice house, I don't really think I'm in a position to complain. Rob and I are still trying for number four and it's frustrating that it's taking so long, but there's not much I can do about it. I had another miscarriage in the fall of 2007. It was a long, drawn out, miserable process that spanned five weeks from the very first spotting to eventual d&c. During two of those weeks Rob was in Germany, which sucked more than words can say. Since then we have been trying for one more, but so far no luck. I'm 39 so I feel like that window is slowly closing, but it is what it is and there is only so much we can do. If for some reason number four is not meant to be, then I will accept that and be happy with the blessings I have. For right now though, I'm not quite ready to concede that point.

So Musings from the Dogpound is back up and running, even if it's just for me. I figure in a 19 hour day I should be able to squeeze out at least a little time to visit here and write something a few times a week. It's my gift, from me, to me.